She’s blown it for sure.
The scandal surrounding the matter would always be a cloud hanging over her. She had the child out of wedlock to one man and soon scarpered from the scene leaving her having to bring this child up. Now she’s come across this new man who has intentions to marry her and take her over to the rich country. But she won’t take her child with her. That decision compounds an already shameful episode. If she ever returns, she knows it will be to people already thinking she’s not good for much if this is how she behaves.
When she reaches the rich country it’s supposed to be a chance for her to start afresh, for all the scandal to be left behind. She’s legitimately married now. No one knows the full story of her past and her husband is a respectable gentleman who doesn’t cause any controversy. But the cloud still hangs around her, maybe she is not good for much. Soon she has children with her husband and the culture around her lets her know beyond any doubt that she cannot afford to abscond from these duties. Any hope she had of making her way in the world has now been curtailed. Any work is purely to help support the home. She is to know her place and not rise above her station. Don’t try anything fancy of ‘expressive’. She’s already ‘expressed’ herself in giving birth to these three children. Now she should just focus on that.
As she recognises their distinct characters and abilities, she makes it her duty not to in any way suppress them. She supports them in all their endeavours and initiatives. She desperately wants them to avoid any sense of seeing the doors on their hopes slammed in their faces. She will not be a hindrance, even if others have been a hindrance and surely her chance has gone now. Surely it’s too late. After all, she’s gone through the disappointment of realising the rich country was only rich for those already rich, not for those who are wanted to make it rich. So with the massive luggage of the past traipsing behind her, all she was left with is wishful thinking and dreaming as well as hoping her children would not have it as bad.
She’s blown it for sure.
Someone thought it would be a good idea to take her for a weekend away at the seaside. She didn’t feel she had much to lose anymore. Her children were in a position to look after themselves and her husband would not stand in her way of indulging herself for once. That weekend changed her life forever. She found herself with people older than her who could share stories of committing worse sins than she had and yet emerged all the better because of the grace of God. Despite others writing them off, they embraced the forgiveness and redemption offered. This spurred them onto make the most of their latter days. They were doing all sorts including arranging weekends away for people at the seaside. Considering the activities of the weekend and how well organised everything was, she was really impressed by people who saw that a life redeemed had lots to offer.
She saw that the misery and mess she had endured for these decades did not have to be the defining mark of her life in a bad way. Hobbies she took for granted and in which she excelled became reason for her to do something with her life. She poured her passion and joy into the enterprises that came out of these hobbies. Others were happy to put their money were their mouth was when it came to appreciating her gifts and abilities. It was like a new lease of life. She did not downplay or dismiss her past, it became integral to her story as others sought to find out what motivated her to be so active when others had written her off.
She was even able to return to her home country and rather than face shame and rejection, she was able to go with her head held high. She was not proud of anything achieved, just grateful that she was redeemed. And that status meant that things would be shaping up well for her in her latter years as they would surpass what others had expected of her. This was the legacy and example she left for her children. Not just telling them that she believed they could achieve it, but showing the amazing grace to be able to do it even out of the mess and misery.
So much for thinking she had blown it.
For His Name’s Sake
C. L. J. Dryden