Becky knew she couldn’t ignore the alarm the second time.
It’s incessant repeating tune and vibration did not allow her to do anything other than stare annoyed at it. Not that she had been deep asleep. Not that she enjoyed a decent night’s sleep. Again. Just that the alarm ruined the usual delusion she gave herself that maybe today she didn’t have to get out of bed. The delusion that she didn’t have to face the screeching of her six year old daughter about how it was unfair that her four year old brother was getting the last of the cereal again. The delusion that she was actually waking up to the serene sounds of the beautiful waves caressing the shore in her fantasy holiday home in the Bahamas.
That alarm shattered all of those delusions. Again. Instead Becky would open the curtains drearily to a day that matched her mood. Lily would again screech that Jake had taken the last of the chocolate cereal. Becky would have to sum up the courage and strength once again to get these children in order before dropping them off at her Mum’s house before she went to work.
Her uniform hung off her slim frame and she couldn’t even muster a smile at what she saw in the mirror. Both her and the woman looking back at her agreed, if it wasn’t for Lily and Jake, there wouldn’t be much worth living for. She worked hard to ensure her children didn’t notice her weariness too much. She worked hard to protect them and worked hard to give them whatever she could manage to keep them happy. It was tough, though, she could barely make ends meet even though she was working all the hours available to her plus overtime whenever she could.
A lot of effort, a lot of work and a lot of weariness before and after it. There seemed to be no let up and she was concerned with what teachers were saying about Lily’s behaviour at school. Becky felt close to the end of herself. There was only so much she could do especially since the father of Lily and Jake walked out on them not long after Jake’s birth.
She was grateful to her Mum for looking after the children in the holidays, but she felt guilty at the pressure it placed on a woman who wasn’t as strong as she used to be. Sometimes it would all get on top of Becky and she would look for some respite through a night out with her mates. But she knew she would drink to much and that would lead to …. complications. Yet there seemed to be no other area to release all the pent up frustration.
Sometimes when the children were asleep, she would nurse a glass of wine and over time finish one bottle after another without feeling any better for it. Yet eventually she would drag herself to sleep … Only to have it wrecked by that alarm ringing the second time.
Was there really any hope for her in her situation or would she just have to deal with it as just another day?
For His Name’s Sake
C. L. J. Dryden