He said he would never leave her, but here she was in the dark, afraid and alone.
It was a long time since she saw him and the look on his face scared her more than anything. It was as if he didn’t know her. He gave that vacant look as he slowly closed the door essentially subjecting her to this … this … hell.
She just didn’t know anymore. She didn’t know about him. She didn’t know about them. She just knew her friend had let her down and now she was cold, tired and just wanted to go home. She just wanted to go home. She wanted to scream. She was miserable and she admitted it, when she saw him, she was not going to hold back.
As she wandered around looking for some sign a hand suddenly covered her mouth as another jerked her away into some unknown area. Before she knew what was happening she blacked out.
When she came to she was in the familiar surrounding with him. He was giving her a cup of tea and bourbons her favourite biscuits. She was about to let rip when he began calmly.
“Thank you. Thank you for trusting me, for being patient with me. I know it couldn’t have been easy and you probably wanted to know why, but thanks for not giving up. Thanks for hanging around.”
“What do you mean?” she was so shocked she forgot her rant.
“Back there, when I shut the door on you, I protected you from a decision you would not want to make.” He explained. “If I gave any sign of knowing you it would have betrayed you and put you in great peril. Believe me. It was one of the hardest thing I have ever done. But I would rather have done that and spared you the unbearable pain for the rest of your life.”
There was something of the tired and wearied look in him that made her believe him. His usual assertiveness was replaced with what could be seen as resignation.
“You may not believe it, but everything I ever do is to keep you … no, not keep you safe. Keep you truly alive. In touch with all your feelings, aware of all you think, desire and will. I want you to choose. So if you’re unhappy with what I did, I will understand if you need to leave.”
He opened the door for her. She took a deep breath, remembering the agony of the loneliness. The sense that this unpredictable man was maybe too unpredictable for her.
Maybe this was the time to go …
For His Name’s Sake
C. L. J. Dryden